The Heart of a Child

Walking through the old streets of St. Augustine, the narrow and necessary focus was making sure that all seven kids were accounted for each and every moment since the reality is that one of them could bolt and disappear if this focus was thwarted for even a second.  

Even with my singular focus, I couldn't help but notice the couple who had stopped to talk to the homeless woman sitting against the brick wall on the side of the street.  The man spoke to her in a jovial tone, asking her questions and talking to her with respect.  The woman was kneeling next to her, looking her in the eye as she spoke to her.  As we passed, I heard the woman ask if she could she pray for her.  She reached for her hand.  "That would be great."  

We continued to walk slowly down the cobble stone road, so thankful for the love of God's people.  We passed another homeless man moments later and right after we passed, I heard the kind voice of a woman, "Hi John!  How are you today?"  My thankfulness turned to joy. It was the same couple.  This was their gift. 

Quickly my thoughts turned to choosing an ice cream flavor and corralling children.  As I ate my salted caramel scoop with extra caramel from Kilwin's, I noticed my oldest niece, Emma, hugging her dad tightly.  My first thought was that there was more drama. The children had been taking turns crying over small things all day long. What now?  I soon learned that Emma had seen the homeless woman and wanted to use the money she had been saving to buy her some food.  

The 15 of us walked back the way we came and when we got to the place where the homeless woman sat, Emma stopped and asked if she had anything to eat today.  "I've had a little something." Most of us stood at a distance, while Keira and Judah hovered closely, standing right next to Emma and looking back and forth, their curiosity demanding that they take in the conversation.  Emma talked and smiled comfortably and placed money in the woman's jar and soon the interaction was over.

Our crew began to walk down the street again, Judah racing up to grab Emma's hand. "Emma!  That was so nice of you to do that!  That was so nice of you!"  

I couldn't keep the tears from falling, so thankful for the love of Jesus flowing through the heart of a child freely, while my own children looked on, learning truth and grace through their cousin that they look up to and watch. 

Lord, give me the heart of a child, to be moved and to act with boldness and confidence and not to get so bogged down with the pressures of life that I miss the simplicity and beauty and possibilities in the passing moments.  Give me the heart of a child. Love. 

Goal # 3: Confessions of Defeat

"I feel like a pawn in your game."

"What's going on?  I'm asleep."

"Again??!?!"

These are just some of the quotes from my sweet husband during the course of my 35 day intercourse challenge. My responses?

"I'm doing this for you! If it's on my checklist, it WILL happen.  Stop complaining and take your pants off."

"Wake up!  New position to try!"

"At least you are getting it more than twice a month!"

Oh by the way, if sex talk makes you uncomfortable, you should just go ahead and close this page. It's about to get real up in here. 

I knew when I set the goal to have sex 35 times in 35 days that it would not be easy. After the goal was set, I realized that I would be in a different state than my husband for 6 of those days and I experienced at least 4 of the most tired days I can remember during this time frame. Coitus was enjoyed a total of 23 times. 

Not only did I fail, but I failed miserably.  

I do not like to fail. The point of making goals is to reach them, not to only do 66% of the work. This is an F in some classes and I am a solid A student.  Even as I write this, my disappointment is beginning to increase. I temporarily quit my second round of seminary just because I couldn't handle getting a B... And now I've earned a solid D-, even on the scales of gracious professors, in sex. A D- in SEX. Great job, Tamara. Just great. 

I failed, but I also had sex twenty-three times. 23 times in 35 days and I've been married 9.5 years. TWENTY-THREE times. 

By the middle of the second week of the challenge, the roles in our relationship started to reverse... and it was pretty entertaining. All of a sudden it was Matt saying how tired he was and claiming that he needed to reboot, particularly on those days when I was demanding that we jump each other more than once.  I may have failed, but our marriage has been lighthearted and fun and we connected.  I decided I wanted to be more intentional about making sure that physical intimacy is a priority because I know that truly healthy marriages need that, and physical intimacy did happen. Twenty-three times, by the way. 

I failed, but from the moment I posted my goal setting blog, conversations started opening up in so many of my circles. Here's the thing: women need to talk and they need to talk about sex in a healthy way and married women don't talk about sex quite enough, particularly in Christian circles. As I talked with women, we found that many of us struggle with similar issues when it comes to our sex lives.  These conversations spawned encouragement, laughter, grace, and the desire to embrace more fully the beauty and gift of healthy and good sex within marriage, even the midst of our crazy and chaotic lives.

A good friend told me that she couldn't believe I'd post sex stuff on my blog for the world to read, especially given my work with college students and preacher status.  It's certainly not for everyone to make private matters more public, but I embrace the gift of doing so.  I choose to live my life as an open book and readily invite uncomfortable conversations about real life. I am committed to approaching these conversations from the perspective of faith and shutting  them down if the content is not healthy, if the audience is not appropriate, or if it just isn't the right time. 

I failed, but do you want to talk?  I'll talk to you.  (I'm secretly hoping men have quit reading this by now.  In case this isn't clear, this invitation is extended to women only.). If not me, find a spiritual sister you can chat it up with.  But here are the rules: absolutely no husband bashing or comparing.  Got it?  Ever since my major areas of study in college and grad school had me taking a plethora courses with sex as the subject matter, I've loved talking about sex.  In seminary a good friend of mine referred to me as her "sex friend" whenever she had a question. (It's funny how I had all the answers before I got married and actually started having sex.  I became completely clueless when that happened.) I may have failed, but I didn't expect to encounter such rich and real conversation.  I've experientially remembered that sex talk is one of my niches. One of those places I feel at home. So, there's that. And there's 23 times. That's right, folks. Twenty-three. 

23 times. I'm starting to feel better about this, but then I remember that we had sex 21 times during the 5.5 days of our honeymoon and I feel like a failure again.  

But then I remember that by all accounts, the honeymoon is way over, we are closing in on 10 years of marriage, raising 3 children, excelling in demanding careers, and getting up at 5 a.m. almost every morning to have Shawn T kick our butts.  We are almost completely caught up on the many TV shows we watch together and continue to have meaningful and good conversations with one another.  We are preparing to go on a mission trip to Haiti together, together we manage our family and home, show our kids who Jesus is the best that we can everyday and work together to build and maintain new and old friendships.  We get up at the crack of dawn, go to bed late at night, and our days are overwhelmingly full with pressure and responsibility, while we also enjoy work and play, Zumba and softball and family movie nights.  And we threw sex in there, 23 freakin' times. 

I didn't meet my goal, but sparks flew and good sex habits were formed. 

I didn't have sex 35 times, but connection and reconnection and intimacy was present. 

Unexpected talks with women were purposeful and good.  

My marriage is solid and good from every angle. 

Maybe I didn't fail after all. 

"You're amazing!"

"Where do you want to do it tonight?"

"You are the best wife ever."

"I know baby, I know."

"Wherever you want to!"

"Well, you are pretty awesomesauce yourself."

66% never felt so good. 

The Year of 35

My 35th birthday passed by last week and I made the decision to celebrate turning 35 all year by placing before myself a wide array of aspirations to give me extra motivation to live life to the fullest. In the midst of the chaos of life I don't want to miss out on the joy of paying attention to my mind and my body and my spirit. I want to make sure that I don't take life too seriously and that I remember to just have fun.  I also like lists and goals, mostly because I like to check them off and reach them. So, here it goes...  The year of 35. It could just be the best yet. 

35 books

Category: Mind and Spirit

Timeframe: January 1, 2014- December 31, 2014

Seriously, people.  It had been at least 16 months since I had cracked a book, and then something exploded in me and I started reading and haven't stopped since.  My count has already reached 28. Incidentally, I am not overly concerned about reaching this goal. And for the record, I do still have a job and my children continue to be well nourished. I just happen to be crazy.  Book reviews forthcoming. 

350 miles

Category:  Body

Timeframe: January 1, 2014- December 31, 2014 or May 1,2014- May 1, 2015

I have definitely fell off the running train lately, but I'm determined to get back on. I am giving myself some flexibility with the time frame here, but I'm aiming for the end of the calendar year. So far I have run a whopping six miles this year, so I've got my work cut out for me, but I believe my next goal could help me get there...

3-5 races

Category:  Body

Timeframe: January 1, 2014- December 31, 2014

I'm already registered for a 5k, informally committed to a half marathon, and a Thanksgiving day race is slowly becoming tradition.  This one is basically in the bag as long as I follow through and don't accidentally get pregnant, which leads me to my next few goals...

Sexual Intercourse 35 times in 35 days

Category:  Mind; Body; Spirit; Marriage; Pleasure

May 1, 2014-June 4, 2014

This does not seem too difficult, except I just realized that I will be out of town for 6 of those days. Throw in the joy of the monthly cycle of the female body and general fatigue, and, yikes, this is going to take some serious effort! It's SO on, though!  We are on schedule so far.  Yesterday was a tired day so today was a two-a-day. 

3 new positions

Category:  Marriage

Timeframe: May 1, 2014-December 31, 2014

You're welcome, Matt.  

5 new places

Category:  Marriage

Timeframe:  May 1, 2014-December 31, 2014

Just to keep it interesting. 

And- just in case that isn't sufficient sexual motivation...

3-5 times a week

Category:  Mind; Body; Spirit; Marriage; Pleasure; SEX

Timeframe: May 1, 2014-December 31, 2014

I am clearly going to be up for "Wife of the Year" award in 2014 and I am fairly confident that I will win. 

35 push ups 5 times a week

Category:  Body

Timeframe:  May 1, 2014-December 31, 2014

35 blog posts

Category:  Mind; Spirit

Timeframe:  January 1, 2014-December 31, 2014

I know my faithful readers are going crazy with delight right now. (If you are out there, will you please identify yourselves?  Someone? Anyone?)

35 second planks- front and both sides

Category:  Body

Timeframe:  Goal achieved by December 31, 2014

3-5 unmistakeable dauntless acts or moments

Category: Just for Fun;  Self-Care

Timeframe:  May 1, 2014-December 31, 2014

I. Am.  Obsessed. With. Divergent. 

If you have no idea what this means, a later blog post will give exciting and riveting detail. 

3 times a month, 50 minutes in a coffee shop (beginning in April)

Category:  Spirit;  Self-Care

Timeframe:  April 1, 2014-December 31,2014

This is already changing my life. 

35 things not typical of a 35 year old

Category:  Just for fun

Timeframe: January 1, 2014-December 31,2014

I can't wait to see what all ends up on this list!

7 going on 17... or 47

I often say that I am thirty something going on thirteen. I have recognized lately that I must be rubbing off on my daughter, as mothers tend to do, because she doesn't always act her age either. 

Seven years ago my life was forever changed by the most beautiful person I had ever seen. I never knew my heart could hold that much love. I also never could have dreamed or imagined the person that talks and walks and creates and dreams and feels so deeply and brings me so much joy. At seven years old, she already tries to keep me grounded (although it doesn't necessarily work.). Just last night I turned to Keira and made a somewhat snide comment directed toward my mom, all in good fun of course, and Keira's eyes widened and bore into my own while a firm command to "STOP" made its way through her clenched teeth.  She regularly reminds me that my bathroom humor is gross and that I need to quit because she doesn't want to listen to it anymore. She knows all about kindness and love and friendship. She calls her brother and sister her "siblings" and teaches them Bible stories and their meanings.  She loves sushi and chooses a yogurt parfait over pancakes and carrot sticks over French fries. Is she 7... or 47?

In other moments she rolls her eyes at me way too readily and manipulates situations to try to get her own way.  It often seems to be her main goal to get her brother in trouble, while getting away with as much as she possibly can.  She cares way too much what others think and sometimes doubts her gifts and abilities, but is willing to enter into conversation with me to work through it. She loves getting her nails done, her hair curled, and new clothes. She gets agitated when I ask her about boys, but worries about how she is going to find someone to marry.  She makes thoughtful decisions and exercises her independence. Is she 7... or 17?

My favorite moments are when she tells me that she wants me cuddle with her while she watches cartoons and when she reaches for my hand and grips it tightly when we cross the street or walk through a parking lot.  Thunderstorms and bad dreams send her to the safe place between her Daddy and I. She gets over the top excited about Disney movies and always picks books about puppies or bunnies on library day. Her laughter rings through the house indicating that she doesn't have a care in the world.  She loves dressing up like a princess, coloring, and playing endlessly in the backyard. Sometimes I forget, but I am often reminded, she is 7, 100% and completely 7 years old. 

Happy 7th Birthday to the little lady who has changed my life forever.  I love you, Keira.  Don't grow up too fast. 

Shelton Haiti Adventure Coming Soon

An exciting adventure lies before us and we are eager to tell you about it!

 “Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders…”

 SENSING THE CALL

It is continually our hope and prayer to live our lives with a sense of adventure, consistently loving and engaging the world around us and, most importantly, with our hearts always tuned toward obedience to God. 

 When we watched the promotional video about the short term mission trip that our church, East Side Church of God, is taking to Haiti this summer several weeks ago, we instantly turned to each other and immediately agreed that we should go.  As we have prayed and talked and learned more about the trip, the ministry we will partner with, and the people and country of Haiti, we have continued to receive affirmation that God is nudging us to pursue this opportunity at this time in our lives.

 “Let me walk upon the waters, wherever You would call me…”

 THE MISSION AND MINISTRY

Our trip will take place from June 14-21 and this eight day trip will focus on bringing and sharing hope in a culture that may seem to most Americans as being without hope.  We will be serving just a few miles outside of Port au Prince, the capitol of Haiti. 

 Haiti continues to be stricken by an increasing breakdown of social stability, family life, and government corruption, as well as poverty in villages, crime, domestic violence, and drug addiction.  There is such a need for hope that can only be found in Christ.  Mission of Hope is a Christ-centered organization that we will serve with in Haiti.  (www.mohhaiti.org)  We are excited about working alongside Mission of Hope and the possibility of bringing the incredible news of the love of Jesus to a very needy people.  We will do ministry in a variety of ways including proclaiming the message of life and hope through one-on-one interactions in orphanages and nearby villages, work projects in local villages, and working alongside local churches and pastors.

 Although there will certainly be challenges and circumstances that will break our hearts, the prospect of serving in this capacity holds the potential to change lives for eternity and that is exceptionally invigorating!  Another reason we are excited is that we have never been on a mission trip together.  Although we both were part of trips before we were married, this will be our first trip like this together.  We are eagerly anticipating the ways that God will challenge us and speak to us individually while also expecting beautiful outcomes for our relationship and marriage through this shared experience. 

 “Take me deeper than my feet could wander…”

 A PARTNERSHIP OF SUPPORT

As you can imagine, a trip like this requires significant financial support.  Each member of the team needs to raise $1700 and we have payments due early this spring.  Gifts of any size are greatly appreciated!  If you would like to be part of this mission through your financial support, please mail a check to the church, give by credit card, or give online at www.eschog.org.  

 “… and my faith will be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior.”

 A PARTNERSHIP OF PRAYER

The most crucial thing that you can do as we embark on this journey is to partner with us in prayer.  Please pray that the logistical pieces will come together easily such as passports, immunizations, and schedules.  Pray for the entire team from East Side that we will mutually develop a passion for the people of Haiti and a deep love for one another.  Pray that the team will make an impact as well as be impacted.  As God is faithful in preparing us for the many unique situations and people that we will encounter on our trip, pray that our eyes, ears, and hearts will be attentive and that we will lean on God’s wisdom and guidance. 

 We also ask that you will pray for our children.  It will be extremely difficult to travel so far away from them for an extended amount time.  Pray for our peace in the leaving and that that the time while we are away will be meaningful and memorable for them. It is our hope that through sharing our stories with our children and explaining to them why we are taking this trip to Haiti, seeds will be planted in them that will impact their world view and teach them the joy of faithful obedience to our God, who is so good, and the importance of loving our world without reservation. 

 Thank you so much for partnering with us as we embark on this incredible experience!

Matt and Tamara

“Oceans”

Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me

Take me deeper that my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

(Hillsong United- Crocker, Houston, & Lighthelm)

Breathe, Reflect, Live

I sit in a coffee shop with less than 60 minutes between one responsibility and another and I breathe deeply. When the barista turns on Simon and Garfunkel in the background and the sun creeps in and touches me where I have perched myself in the cozy window seat, I am completely at peace. I close my eyes and savor the moment. It could be days or weeks or months until this moment comes again. I can think about anything I want to, without the words, "Hey, Mama!" ringing in my ears or the loud dryer buzz reminding me that there are clothes to fold and bathrooms to scrub.  I can think about anything I want to, without my to-do list haunting me or deadlines and meetings pressing in upon me, or I can think about nothing at all.  As I breathe in and breathe out, the pressure that has been building deep within me releases and there is space to reflect and simply be.  I decompress and I am grateful. So incredibly grateful.  This season is full. My days begin and they do not end until my head hits the pillow, with few moments in between to catch my breath. 

This season is full, but its fullness is filled with goodness. It is filled with my children's laughter and a marriage that just keeps getting better. It is filled with friendship, frivolity, and purpose.  Every facet of my life is marked by relationships that are caring and challenging.  My work and my play and my family bring me joy and are beyond what I could have have ever hoped for or imagined. Life is full. Some days I don't know how I am going to make it. I can't fathom how it can possibly work.  Life is full and hard and overwhelming, but it is so good. 

And so I breathe and I reflect and I don't worry that I haven't checked off anything on the post-it note I brought in with me covered with reminders. I embrace these moments of peace. 

As the clock reminds me that it is time to go, I am ready and filled with joy. I am going to pick up my kids and we'll sing songs from "Frozen" at the top of our lungs in the car and their voices and smiles will cause the love in my heart to explode.  I am going to lead an incredible and diverse group of women in a fun workout with loud music and flashing colored lights and all the stress that each beautiful woman brought in with them from their chaotic life will be released as we dance and sweat and breathe.  I am going to laugh with friends and I am going to get to see my sister and we are going to enjoy life together and pretend we're still teenagers and it's going to be great.

I have breathed deeply and now it is time to go. It is time to go, but I am ready to go where I am going.

  

A Divergent Story: My Journey to the Choosing Ceremony

"I don't want to be just one thing." -Divergent (Veronica Roth)

I have become completely sucked into the world of Divergent and it has become my mission to suck in as many other people as possible in with me. This has led to way too much time spent taking online quizzes to determine which faction I belong in, hours of conversations guessing what faction others would be in, group texts where the single word "Four" prompts a collective "aaahhh...", a finely crafted email to the author (wait, what?  Did I actually do that?), endless eye rolls from my husband ("Are you talking about that book again?"), and spiritual connection revelations that destroy the focus I should have on my real and present life for at least 24 hours.  This all has culminated in an 11 PM viewing of the movie premiere which symbolizes the Choosing Ceremony.  We must wear our factions and choose. My anxiety and excitement is settling in as if this is the real thing. Maybe it is. 

It has been nearly impossible for me to determine which faction I belong in. There has never been a question which faction I would choose, but is that faction actually me?  This has caused a bit of an identity crisis for me because I consider myself a fairly self-aware person. If I am self-aware, why can I not determine my faction? 

Just like there has never been a question in my heart which faction I would choose,  I have also never had any doubt that I. Am. Divergent.  

I am anything but one dimensional.

I want to write and teach and speak.  I could open a cafe, become a personal trainer, or be a wedding planner. My photography is decent. I can write songs and run long distances and decorate cakes. I have strengths in strategy, execution, influencing and relationship building.  I am loud and quiet, opinionated and compliant.  

I am Divergent.  I actually believe that everyone is Divergent, but that is a debate for another day. 

I am Divergent.  But I have to choose. 

It has been a struggle because I know what I want to choose, what I must choose, but it's just like everything else in my life. I overthink, analyze to the point of confusion, and wonder what others will think of my decision. The multiple online quizzes I have taken always give me different results. I've talked about it way too much and gotten almost angry when my husband kept choosing Candor for me when I read him faction descriptions, my clear 4th faction choice.  I've gone about choosing all wrong. In the world of Divergent, you aren't allowed to talk with anyone about your choice until the choice is made at the Choosing Ceremony and it just doesn't matter much what anyone else thinks. It's not the bogus quizzes or the eye raises I get when I choose, it's knowing what I want, what I need, what I believe. It's the process of looking back over my life and recognizing what I strive toward and hope for and how I can live out the dreams that rest at the core of my dreams with purpose. 

I have always known what the clear choice is for me, but I have also had to eliminate all of the other choices. 

I just couldn't choose Abnegation. The drab gray dress code would be reason enough for me to disregard this faction completely. Beyond that, I recognize that I am incredibly  selfish.  The truth is, I do act in selfless ways and put others before myself regularly and the reason I am able to do this is 100% because of Jesus, but it's not natural.  My heart has to be submitted in order for my selfish thoughts to be transformed into selfless action. This is a good thing and I'm going to keep living this way and I'm going to get better at it, but there is no way I could choose Abnegation. It seems that this faction goes beyond selflessness to unhealthy self-denial and I've already been down that road and it's not happening again.  As a final affirmation to eliminate this faction choice completely, when I read the descriptions to my husband for him to offer feedback, he literally covered his mouth to unsuccessfully cover the laughter. ("Sits quietly and is careful not to draw any unnecessary attention to themself."  Um, no.  Can we say bright pink go-go boots and children who cry when I sing too loud?)

Candor.  No. I do value honesty.  A lot.  The whole concept of a white lie gets under my skin like crazy. However, it also Burns. Me. Up. when people share information, although true, prematurely or unnecessarily or in a way that hurts another just because they "couldn't lie." I just don't consider myself a "Candor smart mouth" (and I'm pretty sure this isn't a blind spot!). They also wear black and white clothing because they see the truth as black and white and, well, I don't. 

The Erudite are always on a quest for more knowledge, studying and learning and believing that knowledge will solve the faults of society. There is no doubt that I love the learning process and I generally just like to know things. I like post-graduate degrees and the classroom. However, I'm not going to choose to spend my free time reading a book that is going to make me smart or watch the news. I'm going to read Divergent and watch Scandal. Perhaps that is all I need to say about that. 

This leaves only one faction to eliminate before my choice becomes clear. I am sure that all (two) of my readers (who have made it this far) are on the edge of their seats.  

I value peace and friendship and laughter. I'm not convinced, however, that days filled with apple picking would quite do it for me. (Unless I could always be the person climbing to the top of the tree to get the apples on the highest limb. Maybe with that stipulation. Maybe?)  Music and art are wonderful and good, but the inability to disagree could become a prison cell and I believe that conflict can lead to necessary change and growth. I cannot choose Amity. 

And so, I go to the Choosing Ceremony at the Hub knowing what I will choose; my moment has come.  I cut my hand and my blood drips over the coals.  As the blood spills, my life flashes before my eyes, both the past and the future, and my choice is made with no regrets and with no fear. 

My tattoo says "Here am I, Send Me" in Hebrew (Isaiah 6:8). I am ready for an adventure. Any adventure. It wouldn't even occur to me to say no. 

I once had an entire closet where I stored all my black clothing.  And I love dying my hair and changing it incessantly.  So, there's that. 

I spent half of my childhood up a tree and climbed as high as I possibly could. I love to climb and jump and fall. It makes me feel alive and makes my heart beat fast. 

Several years ago I spent 3 days seriously considering joining the military. I researched boot camp and my heart beat rapidly with excitement.  I would have dove into this adventure and accepted this challenge if I hadn't made the decision to remain physically present with my children.  Even considering this option brought me to life again in places where I had fallen asleep and become discontent and dissatisfied. I could do it. I can do anything. 

I cried in eighth grade when the potential of an overseas transition for my family didn't come to pass and welcomed the challenge of moving to a new high school my senior year.  I love change and new and the unknown. Bring. It. On. 

I raised my hand immediately when the tour coordinator needed a volunteer to go to a host home alone while my college choir toured Europe. I spent the night in an unknown city in another land with a middle aged woman and a Finnish to English dictionary.  It never occurred to me to be afraid. It brought me to life. 

I slapped a guy 6 years older than me (across the face, no less)  the summer after 7th grade when I caught wind that he was making derogatory comments about me.  Don't mess with me or someone I love. It will not be pretty. 

I love maneuvering through airports and cities on my own, running in storms, and I face uncertainty head on.  I love the subway and the city bus and small talk with strangers. 

Risks are not scary; they are necessary and important and good.  I'll take the risk, give up everything, climb higher, dive deeper, pull myself onto a moving train, jump off a building, climb to the top of a Ferris wheel and I won't look back if it means that I can protect and love others well, make an impact, embrace my purpose. I want to be brave. No matter what.  

There is also this thing I have with fear. The thing is that I am anti-fear. I believe that fear is paralyzing and keeps us from true freedom and fear is the last place I want it live. Fear causes selfishness and dishonesty.  I have no room for fear if I want to live in freedom. And I do want to live freely and so I do. I live in freedom. 

It takes courage to tell the truth. 

It takes courage to learn and understand deeply and even more courage to disregard knowledge when life demands an openness to what is unknown and cannot be proven or studied. 

It takes bravery to move beyond simplistic peace to truth. 

Courage is required to look beyond one's self to the needs of others. 

I am Divergent. I choose Dauntless.