Shelton Haiti Adventure Coming Soon

An exciting adventure lies before us and we are eager to tell you about it!

 “Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders…”

 SENSING THE CALL

It is continually our hope and prayer to live our lives with a sense of adventure, consistently loving and engaging the world around us and, most importantly, with our hearts always tuned toward obedience to God. 

 When we watched the promotional video about the short term mission trip that our church, East Side Church of God, is taking to Haiti this summer several weeks ago, we instantly turned to each other and immediately agreed that we should go.  As we have prayed and talked and learned more about the trip, the ministry we will partner with, and the people and country of Haiti, we have continued to receive affirmation that God is nudging us to pursue this opportunity at this time in our lives.

 “Let me walk upon the waters, wherever You would call me…”

 THE MISSION AND MINISTRY

Our trip will take place from June 14-21 and this eight day trip will focus on bringing and sharing hope in a culture that may seem to most Americans as being without hope.  We will be serving just a few miles outside of Port au Prince, the capitol of Haiti. 

 Haiti continues to be stricken by an increasing breakdown of social stability, family life, and government corruption, as well as poverty in villages, crime, domestic violence, and drug addiction.  There is such a need for hope that can only be found in Christ.  Mission of Hope is a Christ-centered organization that we will serve with in Haiti.  (www.mohhaiti.org)  We are excited about working alongside Mission of Hope and the possibility of bringing the incredible news of the love of Jesus to a very needy people.  We will do ministry in a variety of ways including proclaiming the message of life and hope through one-on-one interactions in orphanages and nearby villages, work projects in local villages, and working alongside local churches and pastors.

 Although there will certainly be challenges and circumstances that will break our hearts, the prospect of serving in this capacity holds the potential to change lives for eternity and that is exceptionally invigorating!  Another reason we are excited is that we have never been on a mission trip together.  Although we both were part of trips before we were married, this will be our first trip like this together.  We are eagerly anticipating the ways that God will challenge us and speak to us individually while also expecting beautiful outcomes for our relationship and marriage through this shared experience. 

 “Take me deeper than my feet could wander…”

 A PARTNERSHIP OF SUPPORT

As you can imagine, a trip like this requires significant financial support.  Each member of the team needs to raise $1700 and we have payments due early this spring.  Gifts of any size are greatly appreciated!  If you would like to be part of this mission through your financial support, please mail a check to the church, give by credit card, or give online at www.eschog.org.  

 “… and my faith will be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior.”

 A PARTNERSHIP OF PRAYER

The most crucial thing that you can do as we embark on this journey is to partner with us in prayer.  Please pray that the logistical pieces will come together easily such as passports, immunizations, and schedules.  Pray for the entire team from East Side that we will mutually develop a passion for the people of Haiti and a deep love for one another.  Pray that the team will make an impact as well as be impacted.  As God is faithful in preparing us for the many unique situations and people that we will encounter on our trip, pray that our eyes, ears, and hearts will be attentive and that we will lean on God’s wisdom and guidance. 

 We also ask that you will pray for our children.  It will be extremely difficult to travel so far away from them for an extended amount time.  Pray for our peace in the leaving and that that the time while we are away will be meaningful and memorable for them. It is our hope that through sharing our stories with our children and explaining to them why we are taking this trip to Haiti, seeds will be planted in them that will impact their world view and teach them the joy of faithful obedience to our God, who is so good, and the importance of loving our world without reservation. 

 Thank you so much for partnering with us as we embark on this incredible experience!

Matt and Tamara

“Oceans”

Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me

Take me deeper that my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

(Hillsong United- Crocker, Houston, & Lighthelm)

Breathe, Reflect, Live

I sit in a coffee shop with less than 60 minutes between one responsibility and another and I breathe deeply. When the barista turns on Simon and Garfunkel in the background and the sun creeps in and touches me where I have perched myself in the cozy window seat, I am completely at peace. I close my eyes and savor the moment. It could be days or weeks or months until this moment comes again. I can think about anything I want to, without the words, "Hey, Mama!" ringing in my ears or the loud dryer buzz reminding me that there are clothes to fold and bathrooms to scrub.  I can think about anything I want to, without my to-do list haunting me or deadlines and meetings pressing in upon me, or I can think about nothing at all.  As I breathe in and breathe out, the pressure that has been building deep within me releases and there is space to reflect and simply be.  I decompress and I am grateful. So incredibly grateful.  This season is full. My days begin and they do not end until my head hits the pillow, with few moments in between to catch my breath. 

This season is full, but its fullness is filled with goodness. It is filled with my children's laughter and a marriage that just keeps getting better. It is filled with friendship, frivolity, and purpose.  Every facet of my life is marked by relationships that are caring and challenging.  My work and my play and my family bring me joy and are beyond what I could have have ever hoped for or imagined. Life is full. Some days I don't know how I am going to make it. I can't fathom how it can possibly work.  Life is full and hard and overwhelming, but it is so good. 

And so I breathe and I reflect and I don't worry that I haven't checked off anything on the post-it note I brought in with me covered with reminders. I embrace these moments of peace. 

As the clock reminds me that it is time to go, I am ready and filled with joy. I am going to pick up my kids and we'll sing songs from "Frozen" at the top of our lungs in the car and their voices and smiles will cause the love in my heart to explode.  I am going to lead an incredible and diverse group of women in a fun workout with loud music and flashing colored lights and all the stress that each beautiful woman brought in with them from their chaotic life will be released as we dance and sweat and breathe.  I am going to laugh with friends and I am going to get to see my sister and we are going to enjoy life together and pretend we're still teenagers and it's going to be great.

I have breathed deeply and now it is time to go. It is time to go, but I am ready to go where I am going.

  

A Divergent Story: My Journey to the Choosing Ceremony

"I don't want to be just one thing." -Divergent (Veronica Roth)

I have become completely sucked into the world of Divergent and it has become my mission to suck in as many other people as possible in with me. This has led to way too much time spent taking online quizzes to determine which faction I belong in, hours of conversations guessing what faction others would be in, group texts where the single word "Four" prompts a collective "aaahhh...", a finely crafted email to the author (wait, what?  Did I actually do that?), endless eye rolls from my husband ("Are you talking about that book again?"), and spiritual connection revelations that destroy the focus I should have on my real and present life for at least 24 hours.  This all has culminated in an 11 PM viewing of the movie premiere which symbolizes the Choosing Ceremony.  We must wear our factions and choose. My anxiety and excitement is settling in as if this is the real thing. Maybe it is. 

It has been nearly impossible for me to determine which faction I belong in. There has never been a question which faction I would choose, but is that faction actually me?  This has caused a bit of an identity crisis for me because I consider myself a fairly self-aware person. If I am self-aware, why can I not determine my faction? 

Just like there has never been a question in my heart which faction I would choose,  I have also never had any doubt that I. Am. Divergent.  

I am anything but one dimensional.

I want to write and teach and speak.  I could open a cafe, become a personal trainer, or be a wedding planner. My photography is decent. I can write songs and run long distances and decorate cakes. I have strengths in strategy, execution, influencing and relationship building.  I am loud and quiet, opinionated and compliant.  

I am Divergent.  I actually believe that everyone is Divergent, but that is a debate for another day. 

I am Divergent.  But I have to choose. 

It has been a struggle because I know what I want to choose, what I must choose, but it's just like everything else in my life. I overthink, analyze to the point of confusion, and wonder what others will think of my decision. The multiple online quizzes I have taken always give me different results. I've talked about it way too much and gotten almost angry when my husband kept choosing Candor for me when I read him faction descriptions, my clear 4th faction choice.  I've gone about choosing all wrong. In the world of Divergent, you aren't allowed to talk with anyone about your choice until the choice is made at the Choosing Ceremony and it just doesn't matter much what anyone else thinks. It's not the bogus quizzes or the eye raises I get when I choose, it's knowing what I want, what I need, what I believe. It's the process of looking back over my life and recognizing what I strive toward and hope for and how I can live out the dreams that rest at the core of my dreams with purpose. 

I have always known what the clear choice is for me, but I have also had to eliminate all of the other choices. 

I just couldn't choose Abnegation. The drab gray dress code would be reason enough for me to disregard this faction completely. Beyond that, I recognize that I am incredibly  selfish.  The truth is, I do act in selfless ways and put others before myself regularly and the reason I am able to do this is 100% because of Jesus, but it's not natural.  My heart has to be submitted in order for my selfish thoughts to be transformed into selfless action. This is a good thing and I'm going to keep living this way and I'm going to get better at it, but there is no way I could choose Abnegation. It seems that this faction goes beyond selflessness to unhealthy self-denial and I've already been down that road and it's not happening again.  As a final affirmation to eliminate this faction choice completely, when I read the descriptions to my husband for him to offer feedback, he literally covered his mouth to unsuccessfully cover the laughter. ("Sits quietly and is careful not to draw any unnecessary attention to themself."  Um, no.  Can we say bright pink go-go boots and children who cry when I sing too loud?)

Candor.  No. I do value honesty.  A lot.  The whole concept of a white lie gets under my skin like crazy. However, it also Burns. Me. Up. when people share information, although true, prematurely or unnecessarily or in a way that hurts another just because they "couldn't lie." I just don't consider myself a "Candor smart mouth" (and I'm pretty sure this isn't a blind spot!). They also wear black and white clothing because they see the truth as black and white and, well, I don't. 

The Erudite are always on a quest for more knowledge, studying and learning and believing that knowledge will solve the faults of society. There is no doubt that I love the learning process and I generally just like to know things. I like post-graduate degrees and the classroom. However, I'm not going to choose to spend my free time reading a book that is going to make me smart or watch the news. I'm going to read Divergent and watch Scandal. Perhaps that is all I need to say about that. 

This leaves only one faction to eliminate before my choice becomes clear. I am sure that all (two) of my readers (who have made it this far) are on the edge of their seats.  

I value peace and friendship and laughter. I'm not convinced, however, that days filled with apple picking would quite do it for me. (Unless I could always be the person climbing to the top of the tree to get the apples on the highest limb. Maybe with that stipulation. Maybe?)  Music and art are wonderful and good, but the inability to disagree could become a prison cell and I believe that conflict can lead to necessary change and growth. I cannot choose Amity. 

And so, I go to the Choosing Ceremony at the Hub knowing what I will choose; my moment has come.  I cut my hand and my blood drips over the coals.  As the blood spills, my life flashes before my eyes, both the past and the future, and my choice is made with no regrets and with no fear. 

My tattoo says "Here am I, Send Me" in Hebrew (Isaiah 6:8). I am ready for an adventure. Any adventure. It wouldn't even occur to me to say no. 

I once had an entire closet where I stored all my black clothing.  And I love dying my hair and changing it incessantly.  So, there's that. 

I spent half of my childhood up a tree and climbed as high as I possibly could. I love to climb and jump and fall. It makes me feel alive and makes my heart beat fast. 

Several years ago I spent 3 days seriously considering joining the military. I researched boot camp and my heart beat rapidly with excitement.  I would have dove into this adventure and accepted this challenge if I hadn't made the decision to remain physically present with my children.  Even considering this option brought me to life again in places where I had fallen asleep and become discontent and dissatisfied. I could do it. I can do anything. 

I cried in eighth grade when the potential of an overseas transition for my family didn't come to pass and welcomed the challenge of moving to a new high school my senior year.  I love change and new and the unknown. Bring. It. On. 

I raised my hand immediately when the tour coordinator needed a volunteer to go to a host home alone while my college choir toured Europe. I spent the night in an unknown city in another land with a middle aged woman and a Finnish to English dictionary.  It never occurred to me to be afraid. It brought me to life. 

I slapped a guy 6 years older than me (across the face, no less)  the summer after 7th grade when I caught wind that he was making derogatory comments about me.  Don't mess with me or someone I love. It will not be pretty. 

I love maneuvering through airports and cities on my own, running in storms, and I face uncertainty head on.  I love the subway and the city bus and small talk with strangers. 

Risks are not scary; they are necessary and important and good.  I'll take the risk, give up everything, climb higher, dive deeper, pull myself onto a moving train, jump off a building, climb to the top of a Ferris wheel and I won't look back if it means that I can protect and love others well, make an impact, embrace my purpose. I want to be brave. No matter what.  

There is also this thing I have with fear. The thing is that I am anti-fear. I believe that fear is paralyzing and keeps us from true freedom and fear is the last place I want it live. Fear causes selfishness and dishonesty.  I have no room for fear if I want to live in freedom. And I do want to live freely and so I do. I live in freedom. 

It takes courage to tell the truth. 

It takes courage to learn and understand deeply and even more courage to disregard knowledge when life demands an openness to what is unknown and cannot be proven or studied. 

It takes bravery to move beyond simplistic peace to truth. 

Courage is required to look beyond one's self to the needs of others. 

I am Divergent. I choose Dauntless. 

"What are You, like 12?"

My husband laughingly shakes his head while saying these words directed at me at least 8 times a week. This phrase usually follows me saying how "adorbs" Elayne is or that he "totes" should give me a massage. 

The truth is, I love abbrevs. My younger sister was way ahead of the trend on this one and we used to make fun of her for incessantly shortening words, but now I just can't get enough of it. I don't often use abbrevs on social media or in my professional life because no self respecting person would do that, right?  Howevs, in the safety of my home, it is obvi that there is no reason to not embrace my inner 12 year old and rock the abbrevs with conviction. 

Another aspect of my twelve year old self is my periodic obsession with young adult fiction.  (Which is actually probably my 17 year old self since these books are not suitable for 12 year olds, IMO.) I once made fun of one the college students I worked with who expressed that she was in love with Edward, who I then learned was a fictional vampire. A few months later, I got it. And by I got it, I mean that I read all 3 "Twilight" books in 3 days and fell head over heels for Edward myself. I followed suit with this 1500 pages in 3 days madness when I discovered "The Hunger Games" and "Divergent" as well. I frequent midnight releases with pride and I legitimately asked my family to get me Hunger Games paraphernalia for Christmas. I am Team Edward and Team Peeta all the way; our friendship will be tested if you disagree and if you are up for debating about this, bring it on, but if you do, I am warning you that you totes don't stand a chance. Also, if you haven't read "Divergent" yet, I triple dog double dare ya not to fall in love with Four. (Coming to a theatre near you March 21, 47 days away!)

Embracing my inner tween also involves the joy of the recognition of things that are inappropriate in everyday life and clinging to them. My sister and brother-in-law who share the last name Schrougham will forever be the Scrotum's (sorry Coy and Michele, sorta) and I have carried around a laminated penis that Keira brought home from church in my wallet for 3 years now. It's not really a penis, I don't think, but she made it as a gift for Father's Day and it sure looks phallic to me. Over 2 years ago I documented the phrases I overheard my hubs and brother in law saying on the notes section of my phone so that I can occasionally remember for a little chuckle. (M: "that's a nice shaft"

C: "that's a big head there."

M: should I clean my balls?

C: well, my sac's done).  Contrary to these 3 examples, the need to stifle laughter isn't always a result of references to male genitalia as I also am obsessed with bathroom humor. I'll spare you, but just know that my six-year old even sometimes tells me to please stop being so gross. Whatevs. 

I am hoping that the older I get, the younger I'll get. Life is serious, but no need to take it too seriously.  Play video games, read meaningless books, speak in shorthand, lick the bowl when you bake, laugh hysterically at natural bodily functions, daydream, imagine, pretend.  #yolo 

My Ignorance of the Agony of infertility

I don't understand. 

Some women, including myself, may say that they gain weight by just looking at a cookie.  This is how it is with me and pregnancy. The moment I stop taking my pills, all I have to do is think about an orgasm, and BAM! Nine months later a baby pops out. (Incidentally I'm so thankful I didn't give into my wild animal instincts before saying, "I do" or I would definitely have 15 kids by now.) I don't tell you this to brag about my hospitable lady parts and my husband's super-strength sperm;  I tell you this because I want you to know that I know what women struggling with infertility already clearly know:  I have ABSOLUTELY NOT ONE SINGLE CLUE about the pain of infertility.   If I tried to say that I understood or offer some kind of trite encouragement, you would walk away cursing my insensitivity, and I would deserve it. I have 3 children who were conceived and born at the exact time that I planned, without Clomid, shots, countless miscarriages,  months going by with yet another negative test, or calendars that tell me when I need to plan to have sex. 

I don't know why it happened that way for me and it hasn't happened that way for you. There is nothing I've done to deserve it and there is nothing you've done that deserves whatever depth and width of feelings you experience and how your experience impacts your day to day life. There is nothing about your pain and circumstance that I understand and I really want you to know that I know that I don't understand and I don't want to ever pretend that I do. I don't know how you feel. 

Since I don't know how you feel, and I recognize this clearly, I often don't know what to say; therefore, I opt for saying nothing at all.  I don't understand and I don't know how you feel, but I do care.  I care deeply.  I see you and I love you. You literally claim the top spot in my prayer book and there are so many times in so many different settings that I am prompted to offer bold prayers on your behalf, believing and claiming miracles and comfort and hope. 

I can't understand. I've heard and witnessed the journeys of too many of those closest to me, but I just don't know what you are going through.  As one of my most beloved friends was at the peak of her incredibly long and agonizing journey, I found out that I was pregnant with Judah, my second child. I am committed to ensuring that those closest to me find out big life news through a phone call, rather than through Facebook, or even a text message, and so, I said a prayer and dialed her number to tell her the good news.  As expected, she sincerely expressed pure and selfless joy and excitement and celebrated with me with incredible love and grace. I didn't mention how this news must be impacting her. I didn't acknowledge how my happy news would probably magnify her pain; she wouldn't have wanted me to say anything. She is so good and concerned for others that I knew she wanted this to be my moment, and I leaned into that. I didn't say anything, but as soon as I hung up the phone, my face fell into my hands and I cried uncontrollably. I imagine that she may have done the same. I don't understand, but I do see you. I do love you.

I won't say that "God has a plan" or that "You should have a little more faith", because this isn't because God has decided to do this to you or because your faith is stale. I won't tell you that there are lots of children who need to be adopted or that you should just quit thinking about it and it will just happen in God's perfect timing, because these words will not help you. I won't try to relate by telling you about the one miscarriage I had in between the births of my healthy children, because it's just not the same. It's not. 

I don't understand, but I'll listen and I'll love you. I'll weep with you and rejoice with you ; I'll give you some space or I'll give you a shoulder to cry on. When I don't know what to say, I'll remain silent.  And I won't stop praying.

My Shout Out to Friendship

Friendship used to come with a bit more ease. Lifelong friendships that began with giggles about our crushes and the code names we (I) gave them like chicken sandwich and strawberry. (Why my secret names always revolved around food I have no idea. Oh wait, yes I do.  Food, glorious food.) Bonds formed through intense shared experiences like weeks at camp, a traveling choir, and trips across the country for conferences with thousands of other teenagers. Later there was laughter and tears in college dorm rooms, late nights in greasy local restaurants drinking cheap coffee, and weekly dinners followed by long nights studying with the occasional dance party break. (An obligatory shout out to 50 Cent needs to be inserted here.) There are a few friendships that were formed during high school, college and grad school that provide strength and familiarity and remind me who I am and I have no doubt will continue to carry me through life. These are the friends who have seen me at my best and my worst, stood up with me when I said, "I do," and who my husband tells me to call when he no longer knows what to do with the crazy spewing out from my life. 

The older I have gotten, the more I have struggled with the ease of friendship. More lonely tears have been shed in my adult life than I care to recall.  I am beyond thankful for the life long companion, partner and best friend I have found in my husband; I would fight anyone who says they have better sisters or parents than I do.  I would choose them as my closest friends over and over again.  And yet, I am wired to live in deep, overwhelming, life-giving community. For my soul to be refreshed and full, I want loud parties and gatherings where I can be exactly who I am and I also need to sit across the table from a person I trust over a cup of coffee or a basket (or three) of tortilla chips and be encouraged, challenged, and loved. To be known.  Where I am. Right now. 

My life long friends are a phone call away, and they can't be replaced. Ever. But I long for face to face, week to week contact with people; friendship in which we mutually, physically, literally walk the present journey together.  This is the space where I have experienced the lack of ease in friendship past the age of twenty-two.  New friendships at this stage of life are hard work. Or are they?

It's been over a year now since a face that had become familiar to me showed up at my office with a book in her hand, inviting me to enter the world of bold prayers that this book had invited her into and, more importantly, she humbly asked me to be her friend. I had wrongfully assumed that she already had plenty of friends, as I am sure she had of me. The truth is, no matter how much it appears that we have it all together, we all need a friend or two or ten. The start to this friendship was different than any others. She boldly gave the invitation for friendship and I gratefully checked the yes box and we just decided to make an effort to become friends. Her courage inspired me to quit sitting on the fence and waiting, but instead to put myself out there and claim the community and friendship that I was made for. 

This means that I now regularly sit across the table from someone I trust and we mutually pour out our souls; I chose to let my guard down and now I enjoy ridiculous group text discussions that make me laugh until I cry, football parties with screaming kids and good conversation, early morning "oatmeal crew" breakfasts where the laughter is spiritual and the endless cups of cheap coffee forge trust between us, and it means I can call out for prayer and help and on the days when I need it most and I get to experience the joy of offering the same to another. 

Life is for living and sharing and giving.  I need you, my friends, because I can't do this life thing on my own. 

I am living and it is good. 

My Home at Sea

 “My soul is full of longing

for the secret of the sea,

and the heart of the great ocean

sends a thrilling pulse through me.”

― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

It’s peaceful and ferocious, frustrating and calm, satisfying both my hunger for adventure and my need for rest.

As I sit on the edge of the reality that the two weeks I have just spent on the shores of the ocean have come to a close and I must dive into the demands and joys of my current life and work and relationships, I reflect.  I ache for the serenity of the sand beneath my feet.  I yearn to hear again the laughter of my children mixed with the sound of the crashing waves as they play and splash and build.  I mourn the easy and carefree days allowing the hot sun to pour down on me, sipping my coffee, walking in the sand, splashing in the waves. 

The sea is home.  The beach brings clarity and freedom and life slips into focus.  The ocean, whether raging or calm, is God in all God’s fullness, powerful and strong and good. 

I ache, I yearn, I mourn.  I hope that I can hold the adventure and the peace that I find by the sea in my heart and allow it spill over into both the mundane and the chaotic no matter where I am and no matter where I go or what I feel or what may come. 

“The sea always filled her with longing, though for what she was never sure.”

― Cornelia Funke, Inkheart